Posted by ElaineM on June 20, 2006, at 20:57:17
In reply to Re:Print it out » ElaineM, posted by AuntieMel on June 20, 2006, at 16:50:00
I don't know why I'm posting really, I've said it all. I'm just so antsy tonight and don't know what to do with myself. Today was really difficult. He talked to me on the phone today and I've never felt so low. He's told me before when he's talking to me that he trusts me. No one else has ever said that to me. I just keep thinking of that over and over. I feel so guilty, and I haven't even said anything yet. I'm afraid how miserable I might be tomorrow. He's the one I would normally turn to if I felt unsafe!
The hardest part is that when I'm apart from him, my distress about how awkward things are starts to fade away. And then I start to convince myself that it's not so bad, I wasn't too nervous, I'm never that scared. I guess I'm just having a really hard time wondering if it is worth it. This is one of the scariest things I've ever tried to do. I mean, I'm still gonna try, I just can't stand being so hurtful to another person.
I don't know. I'm just rambling now. I'm scared. I'm sorry. I waiver less when I'm typing. And I'll do anything to get out of my own head now. It will be hard to sleep tonight.
El
poster:ElaineM
thread:657557
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060615/msgs/659444.html