Posted by llrrrpp on June 7, 2006, at 11:48:47
In reply to Re: Goodbye Depression, Hello Guilt **trigger**, posted by curtm on June 7, 2006, at 11:17:18
Oh,
((((curt))))
the holes in the dam where we hold our past in are scary. And you feel the wave coming. that's scary too. Keep talking about it. There's a lot of stuff that we don't allow ourselves to feel, because... well, we can't process it. But talking about it, putting it in context will help you a lot. You're not alone. You're not the only one who has done bad things. You may discover that your actions and your behaviors and your emotions may not have been your fault, or even your choice. I'm so glad you're going to be able to talk to T about this stuff. Nobody should have to be a dam. We should all just be a burbling mountain stream. meandering. sometimes finding a new path, sometimes flooding, but always flowing.My problem is that I learned very early that everything that happens in life can be "blamed" on someone. A person, not just a situation. All the crap that happens in my life can be assigned a specific person to blame. More often than not, blamed myself. Rather than attributing things to chance, bad luck or a crap*y situation, I thought that I was the agent. It's part of being raised by a scientist-atheist to become a scientist myself. There's no room for luck, no room for faith. It's all cause and effect. And the cause is a human, and the human is me. yep.
Today I make choices. I choose to be on time to my appointments. I choose to treat myself. I choose to love and to feel. Then I don't need to blame myself . Because if things don't work out, at least it's not my fault.
poster:llrrrpp
thread:653783
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060604/msgs/654019.html