Posted by fairywings on June 5, 2006, at 21:15:40
In reply to Re: Talking about Body Image in Therapy, posted by Tamar on June 5, 2006, at 17:42:40
> I’ve gained a huge amount of weight in the last few weeks, and I’m almost entirely certain that I’m trying to make myself unattractive to my therapist
Wow Tamar....how did you come to understand the weight gain had to do with trying to make yourself unattractive to your T? What precipitated the weight gain...was it the way things have been going with him lately. And, what will you do if you determine you've gone as far as you can go with him in therapy? Do you think if you quit you'd gain more, or lose what you've gained...do you think you'd be so sad about losing him, you'd gain, or lose? What do you think he'd he say if he read your post? How would you feel if he knew how you felt?
> So I guess I want to know which it is: is my therapist attracted to me or not?
Is your T married? If so, wonder what his wife looks like...if she resembles you in any way. You're right about the confidence thing....are you confident with your T, or do you appear to be? I never consciously thought about it, but I guess I'd really like to know if my T finds me attractive too....because I want to know if I'm beautiful to him. I'd just like to know he finds me "beautiful to gaze upon". But if I knew he wasn't it would crush me. I guess it's one of those questions that feels too loaded to talk about. You're right....there's just no winning that one.
> And I’m not sure I can feel safe unless I know the answer. Unfortunately, neither answer is safe. If he’s not attracted to me,What if he found you very beautiful and really looked forward to seeing and talking with you....would that be easier to deal with than a physical attraction? What if you had all the physical features he found attractive, but he was impecable about boundaries?
I have a friend who is everything I find attractive in a man, but I love him SO much I could never even think of being with him. He's a personal trainer.....trains belly dancers! ; ) I asked him if he was ever tempted. He said although he finds a lot of clients very attractive, he loves his wife and would never cross the boundaries of professionalism. I really respected him for that.
> Maybe I remind him of his sister, or whatever… If he’s not attracted to me it doesn’t mean I’m unattractive.Maybe you remind him of someone he loves or admires. I think I remind my T of his mother -- and not in a good way....bleh. He's older than I am, but I think my nervousness/anxiety is like his mother's.
Have you seen "Break Up" with Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn? At the beginning of the movie it shows a lot of pictures of them together..... she is so beautiful because of her smile, confidence, and happiness....of course she's beautiful anyway, but....
>
>I want him to want me so much that it’s an effort for him to resist me, but nevertheless an effort he’s capable of making. and to consider it just as much a sacrifice as I do that our relationship is professional rather than social.I wonder if T's know this kind of stuff.... It sounds so painful. Does your husband remind you at all of your T in any way?
> Oh yeah, and I want *all* men to be attracted to me and at the same time to be entirely safe and capable of enjoying the attraction without pushing things too far. Is that too much to ask???
I'm with 10der on this one....appreciation of beauty...with a deep respect. I wish all women were seen by all men as beautiful in their own way.
fw
poster:fairywings
thread:651297
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060604/msgs/653409.html