Posted by Tamar on June 5, 2006, at 17:42:40
In reply to Talking about Body Image in Therapy, posted by Daisym on May 31, 2006, at 23:10:16
I can really relate to the ‘wanting to be attractive/not wanting to be attractive’ thing. Maybe it’s just that I want to be attractive as I am. I’ve gained a huge amount of weight in the last few weeks, and I’m almost entirely certain that I’m trying to make myself unattractive to my therapist (not that he ever showed any signs of being attracted to me…).
On the other hand, I *do* want him to be attracted to me. And maybe I’m trying to make myself unattractive in the hope that however ugly I become he will still be attracted to me. But that’s bizarre because he doesn’t appear to be attracted to me.
I think part of the problem is that we are all adults and we know that people are either attracted or not attracted to other people. So I guess I want to know which it is: is my therapist attracted to me or not?
And I’m not sure I can feel safe unless I know the answer. Unfortunately, neither answer is safe. If he’s not attracted to me, then I feel more sure that he won’t exploit me, but at the cost of my sense of self-worth. If he is attracted to me, then I get to feel happy and special, but on the other hand people who are attracted to me have been known to hurt me. So he can’t win, and I can’t win.
And the worst part of it is that I know rationally that attractiveness is not an issue in sexual assault. And I also know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If he’s not attracted to me, it says nothing about me. Maybe I remind him of his sister, or whatever… If he’s not attracted to me it doesn’t mean I’m unattractive.
And I also know that attractiveness is more about confidence than about weight or symmetry. Confidence is much more attractive than slenderness or a dainty nose or slim ankles.
But knowing all that doesn’t seem to make it any easier. I think I want my therapist to be very attracted to me but at the same time entirely capable of keeping his hands to himself. I want him to want me so much that it’s an effort for him to resist me, but nevertheless an effort he’s capable of making. I want him to be just as attracted to me as I am to him, and to consider it just as much a sacrifice as I do that our relationship is professional rather than social.
Oh yeah, and I want *all* men to be attracted to me and at the same time to be entirely safe and capable of enjoying the attraction without pushing things too far. Is that too much to ask???
poster:Tamar
thread:651297
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060604/msgs/653316.html