Posted by Dinah on May 30, 2006, at 9:07:53
In reply to Re: My therapist won't help me with what I want » Dinah, posted by Tamar on May 30, 2006, at 5:05:43
I think you're right about my father. I've discussed it with my therapist, but I'm not sure it's gotten the in depth attention it deserves. It's more that I stated something and he agrees and it gets dropped.
While I find it hard to let go of anything where I'm responsible for something, including some part time work I had before I had my son (boy, where did that energy go - I was better at my regular work *and* I did part time work), this is harder than it should be because I feel a responsibility to do things the way Daddy would have. I'm well aware that if I don't, my bosses won't. For one thing, they're not my father. No one is, really, certainly not me. He was utterly brilliant at what he did. But he had his own loyalties which have become mine, and which have nothing to do with the loyalties and priorities of the others, to greater or lesser extents. By quitting, I'd be turning away from responsibilities that he took on and that he expected me to continue after he was gone.
And the fact that I'm not doing so well at fulfilling the responsibilities doesn't seem to be related to my reluctance to walk away entirely from them. It seems somehow better to struggle on than to just walk away.
There's some other aspects that have to do with fulfilling my responsibilities to my father in terms of my mother that are too complicated to explain, but that play a major role.
Moving seemed like an "acceptable" reason for letting my father's responsibilities go. Especially if the move was for my husband's job. Divided loyalties seem more noble than just reneging on my responsibilities because I can't handle them. It's my *job* to handle them. And if I can't, I just need to work harder.
Although that attitude hasn't turned things around in the five or so years I've been persevering with it.
poster:Dinah
thread:650255
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060526/msgs/650383.html