Posted by Racer on March 27, 2006, at 1:33:40
My husband and I had dinner with my mother tonight. I just want to tell you all about two parts to it:
During dinner, Mother was talking about a book she just read, "Team of Rivals," and about Lincoln and the Civil War. (The AMERICAN Civil War, by the way, since my husband ain't from these parts. His country didn't have no Civil War.) And EVERY chance she got, it seemed, she asked me questions to prove that I didn't know the answers. "Do you know about Blair House?" "You know who his Secretary of State was?" "Seward's Folly, you know what that is, don't you?"
Guess what? The answer to all of those is the same -- "No." In fact, I'll be the first to admit that I'm pretty profoundly ignorant of American history in general. And it's still pretty painful when my mother just has to make sure I remember just how ignorant I am.
The other thing she did was criticise my top. It's a mohair sweater I made last month. I made it quickly, because I wanted something new to wear to meet Dr Bob and Daisy, although I ended up wearing something else that night. It's meant to be like a little mohair t-shirt, and I am pretty well satisfied with it. Or, at least, I was. I came back to the table after using the rest room, and Mother's first comment was, "You know that top could probably be a bit longer."
Now, I know there's all sorts of [expletive deleted] tied up in this. And I also know that Mother gets a bit tense in restaurants, and the baby right behind her might have been an issue, too. And I know that Mom has some envy that I can knit a little top for myself, without going nutty about patterns. (I don't use patterns to knit, mostly, I just do it.) And I even know that Mom was a little upset about the new TV we just got -- our old one 'sploded a couple of weeks ago -- because she disapproves of spending so much money. (So do I, rather, but that's another story. And this does have a great picture.)
But at the end of the evening, I could certainly recognize where a lot of my own self-criticism comes from. And where a lot of my self-doubt starts, as well.
And I still want Mommy to love me, and to make Mommy be proud of me. What's up with that, huh?
poster:Racer
thread:625020
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060325/msgs/625020.html