Posted by happyflower on February 26, 2006, at 19:45:22
My T is on vacation this week, so my sessions have been spaced out almost 3 weeks. I only have a week until I see him again. But I don't miss him like I usually do. I normally see him at the gym too, and I haven't, he has been sick with a cold, so he doesn't exercise. I feel good when I think of him, but yet I don't feel needy. I feel content on my relationship with him.
I read a very good book today I got at the Library. Adult Surviors of Childhood Emotional, Physical, and Sexual Abuse by Francisco G. Cruz, and Laura Essen. It was meant to be more of a therapist book, then a client's book. But I got a lot of insite on how my actions have a lot to do with my past and how my relationship with my T has inspired. It gives T's wonderful insites on how to deal with us in all kinds of therapy. It talkes a lot about transference and countertransference too. I guess adult surviors really are some of the complicated clients to treat.
So I got to thinking about my therapist. He has been very patient with me, even when I tested him relentlessly over and over again. It took me forever to learn to trust him. But I do now completely. I am safe with him. I can be myself, he still accepts who I am and even kinda of likes me. He supports my goals, he is like my life cheerleader giving my confidence to try for more in life. He has given me so much in a lot of ways. Our relationship is wonderful.Now I am thinking if I tried to make it into more than that, and it happened, wouldn't it be risking all of the wonderful stuff we already have? Then I would really lose him. But if he stays just my T , then that realationship would remain "sacred" in a scense. He told me I can always return if I needed too, a lot of clients have came back to him even after quiting years before. Where else can I have a "guarenteed" place to go where I can get the support and help I need? Husbands, friends, family are not that reliable.
Now yes, he is sexy as heck, and having sex with him would be awesome, I am sure. But maybe the fantasy of that should just be that a fantasy. I still will get to see him at the gym once in a while after termaination. And if I need to go back, I can. So as much as I would love to have him socailly in my life, maybe it would be better and more safe to have him just as my therapist. Things could get messed up if we saw each other romantically or socaially, then I would lose him forever.
Yeah, we are attracted to each other, and flirting is fun, but sometimes it is even better, if we both know it won't go beyond the boundries.
So I think as much as he means to me, I think I need to let go of my wish to have more from him. We have something great already, why mess it up?
poster:happyflower
thread:613588
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060225/msgs/613588.html