Posted by Dinah on February 9, 2006, at 12:19:19
In reply to Re: Up and down and up and down and... » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on February 9, 2006, at 7:57:43
I have to admit that he hasn't been himself since Katrina. And I do understand that, given what's going on in his life. I think he'd be the first to agree. And there are times when that's hurting me.
But I also have to admit the possibility that I may be distorting things. It certainly wouldn't be the first time I did that around emotionally charged situations.
If we can ever manage to get on even keel, I think that his style of therapy *is* right for me, as evidenced by the fact that I'm worrying that I am growing out of needing therapy.
A lot of what he does with me is based on what he knows about me and about how I react. He always has been a strong believer that a message needs to be delivered in such a way that the intended recipient can hear and accept it. He knows, based on ten years experience, what helps with me and what causes me to dig in my heels and resist. I've always thought that was either part of his genius with me, or an unnaturally fortuitous coincidence, that he takes the strategy of letting me learn on my own. Of letting me lead in some ways in coming to interpretations of my behavior, although of course I'm sure he leads me in his own way with small comments and suggestive statements. But mostly his strategy is radical acceptance of me. He knows me well enough to know that I'll resist that acceptance enough to make changes, if that makes sense.
And thinking back over my entire life, and how I learn, and how I reacted to various teachers, I'm struck again with how brilliant that is of him. Now, whether he realizes that or not, whether he just intuitively acts that way based on my reactions, or whether his natural style just meshes well with mine, I'm not sure.
But (and you may have recognized this in me), I'm rather naturally a contrarian. Not a rebel. Oh no. But being contrary is rather oddly one of my greatest natural skills. And as much as I hate to admit it, I also inherited a modicum of my mother's will. Just a small tiny percentage, mind you. I won't admit to more than that.
So his genius is in giving me nothing to push against. No matter how ridiculous something I say might be, he takes it at face value and accepts it. Then I have to admit how ridiculous it is myself.
I don't know. At our best therapy with him is this wonderful alchemy. It helps me transform myself into something better.
Now isn't our best. And I careen between thinking it can never be our best again, and thinking that just maybe it can be. He has faith that it can be. The cockeyed optimist. ;)
I happen to think he's right about the termination though. Coming from me, it would be traumatic to me. Coming from him, it would confirm every suspicion I've ever had about what happens when I care about someone. It would have hugely negative influence on my already shaky ability to trust. I can't see how that would be therapeutic.
poster:Dinah
thread:606808
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060131/msgs/607941.html