Posted by Dinah on February 7, 2006, at 16:51:29
In reply to Re: Is this the termination phase? » Dinah, posted by annierose on February 7, 2006, at 16:29:42
I think there were a few inklings before Katrina, though the natural course of things would have been to decrease the thoughts of separation under the increased stress. But things just aren't the same. He says that he's not the same person since the storm, and I think he's right. I think he wants me to just put the relationship in cold storage and pull it out and go on as if nothing had happened when things are back to normal for him. Or to accept that everything has changed, nothing will be the same, but think that that doesn't change things. I don't know.
Looking back, I think that he was being defensive. He has been having a lot of trouble lately separating what I'm trying to say about myself from what he thinks I'm trying to say about him. I have to fight with him to get him to drop his own person out of the equation to hear what I'm saying. And I'm not sure I succeed. So he was hearing that I was telling him that his efforts weren't enough. And I was trying to tell him that I was afraid of my own feelings. I heard his statement as a veiled threat that if I didn't like how things were, I could find another therapist. But I don't *think* that's how he meant them.
I need to try to stop conveying any feelings about therapy or about anything that could remotely be connected to therapy. Even though those things are uppermost in my mind. Even in the permutations of wondering whether we'll have to move, or about my job, therapy concerns run through all of those things, and I just can't talk about them with him. He says I can, but if I believe him and try, I get punished for it.
I think our relationship will at least be smoother if I start lying like crazy.
poster:Dinah
thread:606808
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060131/msgs/607293.html