Posted by Daisym on February 3, 2006, at 0:16:02
I'm hurting. I've been hurting. A lot. A lot, a lot. I'm slowly giving up the fantasy of ever having my therapist really rescue me from all the bad parts of my life, past and present. But it is so very painful to give up this hope. I *know* he is my therapist and he is a really good one. I *know* he cares and he will listen as much as I need him to. I *know* he won't terminate me or ask me to switch to someone else. And I know these are really important things.
But it feels really lonely to give up that hope. To know that I can never be rescued. The past is over and done with and the present is mine to mold. He'll help me, I know that. But it feels like that isn't enough right now. Feeling for him and with him all these deep feelings make me achingly aware of what I've missed all these years. I'm sad about that.
Would it hurt this much if I had someone in my *real* life that made me feel special and cared for? I just don't know.
Things are changing and I don't really like it. But I know it needs to. The younger parts of me have gone into hiding. They just can't bear the hurt of another emotional disappointment. So I'm really empty and alone. I'm trying to help myself, to find something more mature to do to get through the hurt than just cling to my therapist and wish for things I can't have.
But it is really hard. Because I'm hurting. A lot. A lot, a lot, a lot, alot. :(
I don't really have a question. I just need someone to pass the tissues.
poster:Daisym
thread:605725
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060131/msgs/605725.html