Posted by Racer on January 14, 2006, at 12:41:17
In reply to One Wasted Session Later, posted by Poet on January 14, 2006, at 10:56:23
How about you do it because it's ego syntonic? After all, if you are as terrible as you say you are, then you do deserve to feel the way you do. Therefore, you try to convince the rest of the world that you are the worst person in it. (This never worked for me, but don't you feel egocentric for thinking you could be the very worst in the world?)
I think, and am probably wrong, that you're afraid to accept your own successes, because they don't fit what you've been taught about yourself. Maybe if you could 'teach' yourself a single success you've achieved, you could start breaking the cycle? Like it's that easy, but it wouldn't be worth doing if it were, right?
Aren't you a success for your degree? (Something I never managed. One more of my failures.) No fair saying it doesn't matter, because you haven't become famous in that field -- just stick to what you HAVE done.
Right now, my success for this part of my life, which isn't finished, but will be this weekend, I hope, is to have come up with an imaginative decorating scheme for our living room/dining room. It has a very ugly bit of duct work along one wall, and I got some cheap wooden framed mirrors which we're hanging along it. I put gold leaf on the edges of the mirrors, and used a red wax based finish on them. It turns a bug into a feature, by making it a focal point. Even my critical husband said it was a good idea, once he saw some of them up. Today, I'll finish putting the rest up.
Find yourself something to point to as a success. Another of mine is that my cat, at nearly 18 years old, still wants to be near me, is still able to get up into my lap, and onto the sofa. If I were really a total loser, my cat wouldn't have lived this long. What's more, even if he were still alive, he would have gotten over liking me. My husband thinks well of me, even if my mother doesn't. ('Nother story...) I can knit. I taught myself to spin on a spinning wheel, and made enough yarn to make a sweater for my husband and a lace vest for my mother, as well as several pairs of socks for me. I've read enough books to Know Some Things. (That's actually a mixed blessing. Many times I feel pathetic for knowing so many things that other people don't. But that's imposed judgement, not native to me. I've been told too many times that I'm weird because I know things.) I have a talent for friendship, proven by the fact that many of my friends still like me after two decades or more, and I'm even still friends with my ex-bf and his new wife.
Sure, it's not much, and it's not enough for me, but it's better than nothing.
What can you offer up for the Success side of your balance sheet?
poster:Racer
thread:599016
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060110/msgs/599041.html