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Re: Thanks Guys. HELP??? » Tamar

Posted by muffled on November 7, 2005, at 19:14:14

In reply to Re: Thanks Guys. HELP??? » muffled, posted by Tamar on November 7, 2005, at 16:12:07

> > I'm still fuctioning. Doing what is requiered of this body. Muffled appears to be accounted for on the outside, but really, theres nobody home. We've gone. Even rational me. Just barely. I don't know who's running the show. Don't care.
>
> Are you more depressed than usual?

>* Starting to be, but not so bad. I have had clinical depression. But its not like that.

> > I think I've just shrivelled up into myself. I doubt its permanent. Its weird. I think thats the SI thing at the moment. Proly just trying to not go too far away. Helps me come back. Goto be here for my kids.
>
> Yeah, keep those kids in your mind. They need you.

*Yeah, they love their Mom, Ilove them too.
>
> > Am I making sense? Does anybody know whats happening? Am I going insane? What if I go too far away? What if I can't come back?
>
> I think it does make sense. I don’t know what’s happening to you without more detail. Are you on meds – and if so, would adjusting them help… can you see a p-doc?

*No meds. Cept xanax sometimes. AD's don't agree w/me. I goto a basic T. She and I don't wish any labels, they can haunt you, they really can.(not mentally but in IRL)
>
> > I'm sort of scared. But I'm not much of anything really.


>
> It sounds a bit like the thing I get when I feel disconnected from everything. A couple of people here pointed out that it can be a premenstrual thing, and I’ve certainly noticed that hormones can make a difference. It can be scary at the time, but so far I’ve always come back in a few days. How long have you been feeling like this?

*A while, getting slowly worse. Since before I had my freakout about Dr.Bob where I thot maybe he was evil or something. Since a little before I had an encounter with my inner child. Since before oct26. I think maybe everytime I try to look at the past I start to freak out. My T usu. backs off cuz I get sort of risky behaviour. But I was doing better but theres a block I can't get by. I am missing part of myself, and its chewing away at my insides. I don't think I can be better until I stop or fix that part, or find it or something.I was trying to, but now I'm all weird. I'm trying not to smoke pot but once a week. Haven't smoked since last Tues. Don't smoke alot really but I'm trying to factor in all variables.Maybe I'm just freaking out in slow motion. Sorry this is long. I'm just having a hard time trying to understand.
I'm not normally such a nut. You'd never know it to see me in the schoolyard waiting to pick up my kids. I joke alot. I have SI off and on since early teens.
>
> Hope you’re feeling better soon.
>
> Tamar
>
> *Thanks Tamar. I appreciate your help.
Muffled

 

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