Posted by daisym on November 2, 2005, at 0:11:48
In reply to graphic discussions? **trigger**, posted by B2chica on November 1, 2005, at 9:22:52
Have you asked your therapist what his position is on details? There are so many different opinions about how much to tell and as noted above, what is and isn't helpful.
I think if YOU feel the need to tell, you should. I don't think it is ever "mandatory" to say stuff in order to heal. But holding it all inside, alone, is keeping it a secret. Again. Still. Letting the secret out is an important part of the telling. Maybe the most important part. Because you can see and hear someone else's reaction...and begin to believe that it isn't your fault.
I know you've talked about some hard stuff before. But I have to tell you, every time I get ready to tell a new story, or retell an old one, I check in -- "is this OK? Are you upset? Are you going to say 'enough' and leave me because it is too hard to hear?" I say these things over and over again. And he reassures me over and over again.
He had tears in his eyes today. I apologized for telling such a hard story. He shook his head and said he was OK, he could hear it. I felt so bad for causing so much upset. He said I needed to know and to see how much he cared, and how much he understood my hurt. And his tears were an honest reflection of my pain. He said he was sad for me, not because of me. And he said he was glad I told him.
It is worth it if you need to tell it. I think you can trust that your therapist can help you with it, not make you feel worse about it.
I just wish you didn't have it to share at all.
Hugs from me,
Daisy
poster:daisym
thread:574101
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051025/msgs/574396.html