Posted by Tamar on October 30, 2005, at 17:50:20
In reply to Re: Thanks to everyone, posted by happyflower on October 26, 2005, at 12:39:58
No blasting from me! But there are my honest thoughts…
It looks to me very much as if you are experiencing a transference reaction. I think it has a lot to do with your parents, and a little bit to do with your husband.
It sounds to me as if you don’t believe you deserve to be special to your therapist. I know you said he didn’t want to be *very* special to you, and that must have hurt. Well, I would have felt hurt. I remember reading that and thinking how hurt I’d have felt if my therapist had said it to me.
And I can see how the idea that he might come to your concert feels like he’s treating you as ‘more special’ than other clients, who aren’t talented like you and aren’t in concerts that he could go to.
So I can imagine that you remember your parents’ lack of interest in your performances and still feel deeply hurt (I know I would)… and that you don’t want to allow your therapist to hurt you the way your parents hurt you.
At the same time, your husband is neglecting you and that might also be reminding you of your parents’ neglect and lack of love. And on top of that there’s a sense of sexual rejection by your husband that parallels the inevitable sexual rejection that occurs in the therapeutic relationship. And that makes the feeling of neglect even harder.
You’re fairly sure that your therapist is attracted to you. So no matter what he says about clients not being special, you suspect that you are special to him. And it’s frustrating that he won’t admit it, especially because you didn’t feel special to your parents and you don’t feel special to your husband at the moment.
It sounds to me as if you’re particularly angry at your therapist for not *saying* that you’re special, despite wanting to *show* you you’re special by coming to your concert. I think you might feel he’s sending you mixed messages at a time when you don’t want any bullsh*t from him because you’re getting enough of that from your husband.
I may be completely off base here… but I do think it’s worth discussing in therapy.
Please feel free to tell me I’m completely wrong if I’ve missed the mark.
I hope things get better for you soon.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:571908
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051025/msgs/573523.html