Posted by orchid on October 3, 2005, at 14:08:06
I am feeling quite very sad to leave my job and go back.
Actually I feel happy in my country, but I won't be making quite as much money. Plus the job that I have right now if quite an extremely good job. I feel very bad to leave everything and go.
I have already told my manager I will be resigning, and he has asked me to relocate to a division in my country, but that doesn't seem possible, because my husband insists on living with his parents in the same city (even in the same house) - where my current company doesn't have a division. But his father has been diagnosed with cancer, so I also don't feel like arguing about it.
But nevertheless, I always end up feeling extremely angry, jealous extra, whenever the talk comes of leaving and going back. It has been a repeating pattern for me all along. I blame my husband, feel bad, behave very badly towards him, get angry and upset. Nowadays I control my behaviour and say I am sorry immediately afterwards, and perhaps I am much much better than before, but still I feel extremely angry.
For all this, actually I have a new job, which is in a equally (maybe slightly less) good company in the same city where my in laws are staying. And I even have a more senior position there.
We are even planning to return after a year, but that is yet to be fully decided. Meanwhile, there are lot of tensions, in preserving my Green Card here etc.
It has been an ongoing issue for several years, and I am yet to come to terms with it.
When I get angry, I shout at my husband, accusing him of all things - I get even very jealous of other friends, and feel very bad about losing everything. I become almost like a different person, with uncontrollable anger and restlessness. But a while later, I calm down and apologize.
Any thoughts?
poster:orchid
thread:562352
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051001/msgs/562352.html