Posted by kerria on September 17, 2005, at 12:10:49
In reply to Re: T says he's sorry. That's all :( » kerria, posted by fairywings on September 17, 2005, at 8:14:26
(((((fw)))))
thank you for being there and writing.No - T always says that he won't change- he always say 'with me you've got what you see.' It's a terrible match for me but i had hoped that T would begin at some point to be more realistic about therapy- he has so much experience.
He's been working 20 years, he said, and one of the only trauma treatment centers in the country, some people even consider the best one.
It's so difficult to understand why he has absolutely no understanding about how difficult he makes things by treating me as he does. He is only for his side on everything- never mine.
The hospital is like that also, it's program centered and the patients do well in they can communicate. If you don't have internal communication- why i need long-term therapy- it's impossible to do well there.i thought that he would treat me differently than in the program but after years he doesn't. He has a mastors degree in psychology- why wouldn't he know that i can't possible trust someone who reveals no caring or concern at all?
i just hoped that at some point that he wouldn't treat me as this strange person. He's not even friendly.
It's too difficult to find another T. i can't communicate with parts and i'm in crisis. i don't have any other support to get better and he's the only one who knows and talks to my parts. It's so horrble to be in this place. Everywhere is so scary and i don't even have real friends. My h treats me terribly also or like a stranger most of the time. i make the effort to be friendly towards him all the time, not him.It's so difficult.
i have insurance. They are even covering my whole therapy bill for twice a week unlimited. There are no Ts on that list that will take me. i tried. Inbetween going to T i tried other Ts. i saw someone on the ISSD list for a month, went back to say good-bye because my parts missed T , then he sent a letter canceling therapy with me forever because i saw my first T once. i think that he used it as an opportunity not to have me as a patient.
i'm in a lot of trouble. i can't communicate and need a T who cares about me now.
i'm not doing well enough to call around again, having everyone say no. All these things are too difficult for me with all the other physical problems with pain also.
i wish that my family would help find a T but they're against therapy. That's another problem- my T does the insurance filing and it's too difficult for me to pay up-front but the insurance pay him 100 % .If only someone would help a little to do the details- i'm not well enough to help myself now.Things are so much worse since i started therapy. Before i was working and valued as an employee, going to school with a 3.8 gpa , in good health, camping and hiking every weekend- everything wasn't so terrible. Not i'm all apart and no one can help.
It's so unfair that T doesn't feel responsible at least to help me find another T if he doesn't care enough about me to be my T anymore. i think that therapy ruined me so much- my h says that. No one wants to take me as a client. i never had trouble having friends before and didn't need a T before. everything is so wrong now and i can't get it better :(
tears,
k
poster:kerria
thread:555919
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050912/msgs/555988.html