Posted by fairywings on September 11, 2005, at 23:10:09
In reply to Re: Flooding ***trigger***, posted by daisym on September 11, 2005, at 21:00:11
>>I'm wondering though, how it would feel to read your writings out loud with him listening?
i just couldn't do that, i understand what you're saying, that i would really feel it, and i know this is true, especially with what i have to hand him this week, but i just can't reexperience them in his office. tonight something happened with my daughter, and when i went up to take a shower, i just felt like i could feel every nerve in my body, and i was so angry that my father was dead and that i couldn't confront him.
i talked to my husband and i cried, but i don't want do that with my new T, not yet, i'm just not ready for that. I had been thinking about a couple of incidents in particular one was when i was younger, maybe 4. and one was when i was in high school after i was raped, and was having trouble eating. my dad grabbed me by the hair and dragged me to the table and shoved food into my mouth and made me gag on it. my brother had company over. i cried and just sat there humiliated and choking with this crap all over my face and clothes. my brother’s friend was, very uncomfortable; i remember seeing his face. i can still see his face in my head.
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> Flooding, in my experience, is when you get hit with a tidal wave of emotions connected to your memories or experiences. You can get flooded by lots of things. What I was cautioning against was sitting for 10 hours, 5 days straight and only thinking about negative experiences.i get hit with the overwhelming feelings for maybe an hour at a time, not 10, the thoughts are with me most of the time, i can't seem to shake them, but because i'm with the kids, i do have other things on my mind, which is a relief, but also can be aggitating, do you know what i mean? it's like trying to be in two places at once. I get sensory overload. Today i had to take my daughter and her friends out for school stuff, and i had such incredible anxiety i could hardly stand it. when i got home i had to lock myself in a room to get away alone, again, i felt every nerve in my body.
>>It may be that you are pushing too hard, too fast. It may be that you need extra supports. My best way of containing is writing. Journaling gives me perspective and a way to store my feelings.i just think it was time, you know, what you said before about the timeline? this has been coming up for a long time. it feels like i'm vomiting it all up, sorry for the analogy, seems like i use that one a lot. yuck! i journal a lot too. way too much time spent doing that, too little time doing other stuff i should be doing!
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> I wish you didn't have such hard stuff to work on. But I'm glad you are reaching for support here. I'll hold your hand as much as you need/want it.thanks! i feel like a total weiner! ; ) i really appreciate the hand though, and you always say the kindest things.
fw
poster:fairywings
thread:553383
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050901/msgs/553997.html