Posted by daisym on September 11, 2005, at 21:00:11
In reply to Flooding ***trigger***, posted by fairywings on September 10, 2005, at 19:56:12
I've been writing stuff down for my new T because it's easier for me to get it out that way, and he's been great about just reading it, and not making me read it. then we talk about it.
***I've heard a number of people talk about not reading their writings to their therapists. Since you are working on forming this relationship, I'm glad he is working at your comfort level. I'm wondering though, how it would feel to read your writings out loud with him listening? You aren't reading to him, just reexperiencing the words in a safe place to also feel the feelings behind the words. I found this to be very helpful, though I admit hard sometimes.
so, is this flooding? what is it, and what am i supposed to do with it? i have so much anger and so much hurt. lately I've been yelling at my kids more, which is why i started therapy, i didn't want to do that to them, and today my oldest daughter said sometimes i bite her head off. we talked, but i told her i can't undo any pain I've already inflicted, and I told her I was so sorry. i told her i don't want her to remember me the way i remember my parents. we have a good relationship and i haven't gotten mad in about a month, but if i have these outbursts, even now and then, they'll end up feeling the same about me.
***I don't think this is flooding. I agree with everyone that it is normal to think about therapy and your internal life more when you are doing this work. I think part of the frustration comes in when you want to try to think about this stuff uninterrupted but can't with kids. Therapy is a place that is all yours, where you can think about things. The opposite of the two situations can make you tense. And the general distraction of old memories and sad thoughts can too.
Flooding, in my experience, is when you get hit with a tidal wave of emotions connected to your memories or experiences. You can get flooded by lots of things. What I was cautioning against was sitting for 10 hours, 5 days straight and only thinking about negative experiences. When you have all these emotions built up, releasing them can be overwhelming. That is why in many of the recommended books about trauma and abuse there are chapters on the "crisis stage." You really do feel like you are coming apart and sinking under all the feelings.
I think you are underestimating your children and their capacity to forgive. Kids need to know you love them and if you say you are sorry and are present with them most of the time, yelling at them occasionally is not going to damage your relationship nor make them hate you. On the contrary, they will learn that anger doesn't erase love and it doesn't last forever. Cut yourself some slack.
i feel like i'm either thinking about what happened as a kid, or thinking about therapy ALL the time, is that normal? Should i try to NOT do that, should i distract myself? and should i tell my T that it seems to be consuming me? i feel kind of defective.
***(((Fairywings))) Not defective at all! I think distraction, living your life is important. But sometimes therapy is at the forefront and takes over for a while. I complain about this sometimes, telling my therapist that I think therapy is too important -- he usually answers "maybe it needs to be right now." But, we did (and do) work on strategies to help me contain these emotions and not fall apart or lose it so often. So yes, tell your therapist that you are being consumed. It may be that you are pushing too hard, too fast. It may be that you need extra supports. My best way of containing is writing. Journaling gives me perspective and a way to store my feelings. I've carved out time for that, just like I have for therapy.I wish you didn't have such hard stuff to work on. But I'm glad you are reaching for support here. I'll hold your hand as much as you need/want it.
poster:daisym
thread:553383
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050901/msgs/553929.html