Posted by alexandra_k on September 7, 2005, at 19:25:44
In reply to Re: i don't want to go to therapy today- plse help » alexandra_k, posted by kerria on September 7, 2005, at 18:55:06
> i think T wants me to communicate more than anyone
maybe, but the current strategy doesn't seem to be working... thats why i was suggesting an alternative approach.
> Communication isn't an easy thing when you have parts like that.
yeah. communication can be hard.
> Now i'm in trouble maybe- just talking about it.i used to get that too. what i found was that when i said nasty things about them then they did nasty things to me. if i talk about them respectfully (as i would talk about another human being) then they tend to be okay with that.
> It's not T's fault- it's mine and the situation we're in.
it is nobodies fault. it is just the way things are at present and it can be hard to figure out a way foward.
> we need a super T to stop parts from hurting me.
i don't think you need a super t.
but you do need to figure out what the hurting you is about.
mine used to hurt me when i was horrible to them. when i said horrible things about them. i don't know what its about for you.
> Aleanadra- are you able to communicate to some parts- or most of your parts?hmm. i guess i can communicate in some way with all of them.
> Do you just 'Ask inside" like my T says to do?
i experience two of them as voices. they talk to me sometimes. or i can kind of overhear them talking to each other. another... only screams she doesn't talk. but i guess i can communicate with her via gesture / activity. i think she understands what i say to her but i'm not sure sometimes. another... i can talk to sometimes but she doesn't initiate conversation.
> Lots of times i ask inside but don't hear anything or hear negative words that hurt.mine used to be very hurtful.
i thought one was trying to kill me and i was very afraid of her.
i think she was a bit confused about how the survival of the body is required for her survival too.
she would hurt me if i talked about her negatively.
another would call me all sorts of names etc.
i thought he wished me harm.
but... i think they were trying to protect / help me / the body.
they were just a little confused as to appropriate ways of going about that.what i did...
when one of them hurt me i'd ask internally 'why did you do that?'
sometimes i'd just get a string of abuse back
but i'd ask again 'why did you do that?'
talk to them kindly
as you would to another human being
'you must feel really hurt / angry with me to do that'
eventually...
i'd get a sensible response.
i couldn't figure out why one of them would hurt me for ages...
eventually...
i dragged it out of her...
that i hurt her feelings when i said horrible things about her.
i promised to do my best not to say anything horrible about her.
i said that if she felt hurt that i had done that then she needed to tell me BEFORE hurting me.
so we could sort it out
because i didn't want to hurt her
and i didn't want her to hurt me
she hasn't hurt me since then
but it means that i do have to listen if she tries to tell me how she feels
and i have to respect her feelings
the same way i want her to respect minethey are there to protect you
i know it doesn't feel like it
but that is why they are there
it is just that they get a little confused as to how to go about doing that appropriatelyi think...
that over time...
as you communicate with them more
then they just do get nicer to be around.
i don't think anybody starts out with a happy system
but people progress to that point.
i know your system seems horrible and confusing and incomprehensible right now...
but it will get better.but...
you do need to start talking to them.
be kind to yourself
and be kind to them
teach them how to return that favour
poster:alexandra_k
thread:551401
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050901/msgs/552003.html