Posted by jadah on August 15, 2005, at 17:49:03
In reply to scared of not ever finding relief- *triggering****, posted by frida on August 13, 2005, at 10:22:54
Im a little behind on reading the messages but I just wanted to tell you that I used to feel completely and udderly hopeless, that what I wanted, what I thought everybody else had, was something that was unrealistic and unatainable for me. you know the old, " it worked for you but its not going to work for me.... Im different..." They call that "terminal uniquenesss". When it came to comparing myself to other people I just couldnt win. My mom and my T would always say, "well other people havent had to go through some of the things you have youll get there". This certainly didnt help in fact all of those things I went through just made me feel more different. What made things a little easier is that instead of looking at all of the differences in others I started looking at the similarities. I also gave myself credit for being a survivor and realized that I am strong (many of those other people may not have made it through all of my experiences). For years I struggled. Id start to feel better then I would slide back again completely discounting all the work I had done and marked myself as a hopeless failure. One day I got a bug up my butt and realized that I dont have to be a victim of myself or my past anymore. I worked so hard.... talking about things I had stuffed or denied, feeling the feelings instead of dissociating, and allowing myself to cry. Many years passed, I still was frustrated. I kept working at it and one day I stopped and realized that, "wow! I just realized that I havent felt that way in a long time, or wow, a year ago I probably wouldve freaked out over a situation like this...." The changes were so gradual but when I realized the changes in me I was astonished. I thought it would hit me like a brick falling from the sky, like one day i would just "be better". It doesnt work quite like that. When I realized the positive strides I had made it motivated me to work even harder. Oh, I still had/have bad days, but they are never as bad as they were. I realized that Im worth fighting for, even if it means it hurts sometimes and even if it means that sometimes things have to get worse before they get better. I am in control. I have choices today, and you know what.... its not a race, what matters is that you get there. Keep fighting, your worth it. You have the power to change your destiny.
poster:jadah
thread:541041
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050813/msgs/542068.html