Posted by alexandra_k on July 30, 2005, at 17:38:19
In reply to Re: Wanting a mommy (long) trigger » alexandra_k, posted by daisym on July 28, 2005, at 10:54:39
> But what if I *am* going in the wrong direction here?
It doesn't sound to me like you are. It sounds to me like you are becoming aware of these feelings inside you. Feelings of wanting to be cared for and hurt that your feelings weren't really taken into proper account when you were a kid. Just being aware that this is going on inside you is progress. Being able to tell other people about what is happening for you.
>I feel horribly selfish about wanting this and worse because I'm so destroyed not believing I'll have it.
You aren't selfish for having the feelings you have. I don't think we choose most of what goes on for us / most of what occurs to or within us. But those feelings are there and at least you are able to acknowledge them now.
I worry that I have some kind of need inside me that will never be met. Because it is simply too late. I guess it is a related thing that nobody cared for me as a kid and so now I feel quite a lot like it doesn't matter how much anybody cares for me now it will never make up for that. There will always be that emptiness inside me.
gg said something a while back... I can't remember it... I think it was about how part of you will always grieve but that over time it doesn't hurt as bad. It will get better. I reckon it will. The need will receed so it won't be so very strong or recurrent but you may well always grieve for it a little.
> Inside my head I wonder if I'd found and married my soul-mate, would I feel this way right now? I married a guy who needed me a thousand times more than I needed him and then I had kids who needed me and then I created a whole career around kids and families who need help...intellectually I can see all out put, no in put leaves a dry well.Maybe if you married your 'soul mate' you would be having all sorts of stuff going on about your own self-esteem. Whether you are worthy of love. Whether he really does love you. Why the hell he loves you... I think different people can bring up our different issues...
> it just isn't right to let them meet your needs, that is what happened to me essentially, right?
Yeah. By the sounds of it nobody really knew what was going on for you when you were a kid. They didn't know what to do. And you kept that pretty closed off because you didn't figure it was all that safe... Its a horrible situation. I don't think it is right... But it does happen sometimes.
:-(
poster:alexandra_k
thread:534630
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050725/msgs/535747.html