Posted by muffled on July 29, 2005, at 9:24:11
In reply to Re: people want to hurt me?, posted by kerria on July 29, 2005, at 7:10:17
> Thank you, ShortE, Muffled and Cricket. i appreciate your writing to me so much. Cricket, i'm so sorry that you're having such a hard time now, too.
>
> i'm so afraid, my pain is so severe. i had the talk about it with this Dr and he believed me until he found out about my psych dx- PTSD and DID. i tried to have a procedure done to temporarily block the nerves and my littles came out and were too afraid. Whenever i'm overwhelmed my littles come out, it happens automatically, there's not much that i can do because i'm just starting to learn how to communicate with insiders. i know that they are there and remember what they say sometimes but can't interfere or communicate with them. It's so frustrating. The dr was so angry that i became a hysterically crying six-year-old in the hospital.
>
> It's so unfair - DID is a disability and everyone that has ever found out misunderstands. No dr that i've found is willing to understand DID -and the way that it affects me. They automatically think that i'm not honest and every illness is connected to your dx somehow or that i'm a drug seeker. i've never been arrested for anything or ever misused drugs. i don't drink even- just a time or two a year.
> It's so difficult to not have help, anyone that understands that pple with DID can get illnesses and pain just like everyone else, especially it's so hard with DID.
> They can't understand why one minute i'm a perfectly mature municipal employee that's respectable and knowledgeable in my field and the next minute i can have the mind and capacity of a child,teenager or very troubled adult. It's so unfair that i'm not believed and am treated like a dishonest person when i'm not being dishonest. Now i need to run around today and try to find a doctor that will believe me and have all my parts co-operate(not come out) in getting a gyn exam and hopefully be believed and receive help. Everything is so hard, the exam, trying to find a dr that will see me, believe me about the pain and hide the fact that i have DID. The pain is nerve pain most likely and that makes it difficult also because the cause is not apparant. I'm not doing well now and it's even harder. It's so triggering because of past trauma - to be in pain and not be believed, to be made to have pain for no reason.
>
> i can't do anything illegal because i work for the City. i wouldn't know where to ever get anything like marijuana. No one i know smokes it.
> if i don't receive help from somewhere i won't be able to work or get out of bed so i won't work anywhere but it wouldn't be a strong enough pain reliever to work.
> i'm in so much trouble:(. i called my psychiatrist and T knows what's going on. i hope that somehow my psyDr can help.
>
> thanks so much for being there,
> kerria
>
> Thank you for being there and caring to write,
> Muffled, ShortE and Cricket.
>
Dunno what to say, except you not alone. Yeah, life can be so freaking hard. But it can be beautiful too. Do you have a place in your head thats beautiful that you can go to? I'm working on having one myself. Its going to be an place by the ocean with pretty sparkling water, and birds, and a gentle warm breeze caressing me. That can be my safe place. I will give you hugs ((((((((Kerria)))))). Keep posting. You help others too with your life.
poster:muffled
thread:533186
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050725/msgs/535243.html