Posted by pinkeye on July 25, 2005, at 14:18:38
In reply to And, my dad, my hubby, my ex T - they are good.., posted by pinkeye on July 25, 2005, at 13:20:50
I think I am finally ready to close the grave - so to speak. I am letting go of my ex T and my obsession about him.
I think the reason I clung on to him so very desperately is because of lack of self-approval. I kept looking up to him to provide me some approval and liking so that I could go on and validate myself and try to be good. I think perhaps, I don't need it anymore from him. Besides, it is not his job to supply approval for any other human. It is God's job. And as long as I maintain myself decently well, God will give me the approval that I need, if I cannot give it to myself by myself.
I don't think I need to torture myself about him anymore and I don't have to perhaps ruminate and obsess about him. I like him a lot, I think I always liked him irrespective of all his faults. I still think he is a very very decent person basically - irrespective of whether he is a good T or not - atleast when I knew him. Now I don't know how he is - if he got polluted by his new surroundings, I hope not. But it is not something I need to wonder about. What he does about his life is his own business.
I hope I can hang on to this and not let myself slide again. I am going to connect with God more.. that will help me go on.
poster:pinkeye
thread:532997
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050725/msgs/533267.html