Posted by fairywings on July 24, 2005, at 8:43:22
Hi everyone, first of all I changed my name because I was having trouble signing on. I was using the name Jazzed or signing Jazzy, now fairywings - prettier, huh?
Anyway, this is my post, and I would appreciate any help you can offer:
A few weeks ago my T was talking about crying, I don't even remember in what context, but after the appt., when I thought about it, I realized I hadn't really cried in about 2 years.
At my last appt. with my T, I told him that I don't feel my emotions as strongly as I used to, and that I hadn't had a good cry in about 2 years. Granted, in the last 2 1/2 years my dad died, four months later my son was born, and four months after that my mom died somewhat unexpectedly. Then we sold our house, moved, and a few other things happened along the way. It's been a tough 2 1/2 years.
As far as the not feeling things as strongly, My T said that I have trouble expressing my anger and that I tend to avoid situations which make me uncomfortable, which is true. He said that not crying at all wasn't healthy, and that although you don't want to cry all the time, and that sometimes it's difficult to cry, it's healthy to cry.
In the last few minutes of our appt., he said that I tend to dissociate from my feelings, and went on to say that "dissociating is kind of schizophrenic". I felt REALLY threatened by that, esp. given my past history as a teenager with a shrink who tried to control me with medications and saying things that left me feeling very out of control of my life.
I'm totally freaked out by labeling, using words that pertain to major mental illnesses, and telling me I do things that I don't think I do. I don't separate from my feelings, or my body, in any way. I still feel everything, just not as strongly. I don't give my feelings much thought, they just are what they are, and I accept that. I am perfectly able to function every day, and I deal with what I have to deal with.
Am I over reacting? Is it possible he had a point in saying I dissociate, and was it fair to then say "dissociation is kind of schizophrenic"? My diagnosis is Anxiety NOS, and I have ADD - inattentive. I'm so afraid he's looking for some major mental illness, and that makes me feel very threatened.
Any opinions or suggestions?
Thanks
FW
poster:fairywings
thread:532631
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050716/msgs/532631.html