Posted by cricket on July 15, 2005, at 12:21:41
In reply to Good and Bad Session, posted by Daisym on July 14, 2005, at 20:16:02
> I want to post about today's session because it >
I'm glad you posted. Your posts always make help me.
> I went into my session feeling nine years old
I had a lovely dream the other night where both my therapist and I were nine years. In the dream, we were sitting on the floor of his office but we were both 9. We were both sitting the same, with our arms around our knees drawn up to our chest, and we were talking about going to the dentist (didn't you once say your T would make a good dentist?)
>At one point I was switching from being 9 to being me and back again so quickly that it made me dizzy.
I do this too and it frustrates me that my therapist doesn't always realize that I've switched.
>It was like this part NEEDED to talk from that age. I asked him very tearfully why I couldn't just remember being nine, why did I have to BE nine to tell him? He said because I needed to re-live the memory and feel the pain with a witness, which means being nine. And he said this in such a caring way that I didn't feel quite so nuts for feeling this way, or admitting it.
>
It's strange that my parts never talk about the past. They just talk about me or each other or what they like or don't like. Is that the difference between age states and DID?
> It was really hard to leave. I was sobbing that I hated all of this, the memories, the feelings and mostly leaving. I told him I wanted to stay under his chair, holding his leg. He said he knew that and he could feel I was suffering and he promised to not disappear over the weekend. He asked me if I wanted to check in with him before Monday. This is where I got my feelings hurt. I said I would like to call him if I'm having a rough time, and he said Saturday morning would be best if I wanted to talk for a little while. He told me it would be tough to find time tomorrow but he would check his messages and of course I should call if it was an emergency. Intellectually I know he has a life. But the little kid sitting there heard, "I don't have time for you." So I took a breath, said, "I'll be OK -- I'll see you Monday" and bolted. I know it would have been way worse to call tomorrow and have him not call back for hours, or have him say on the phone, "I can't talk to you" but it still feels bad.
>
> I really do hate this.
Yes, I understand. At one point during my last session when it was hard for me to start talking, my therapist said, "So where do we go from here? Call class off for the summer."
Intellectually, I think I know he was joking. But emotionally all I felt was he wants to terminate me.
poster:cricket
thread:527747
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050706/msgs/528027.html