Posted by rabble_rouser on July 12, 2005, at 14:25:00
In reply to Re: Re Borderline replies, ShortE and Pinkeye » rabble_rouser, posted by pinkeye on July 12, 2005, at 13:17:07
Thankyou pinkeye, that was incredibly honest of you. I find the issue of the ways the genders look at each other an amazing subject. I am very into mentors and I search for 'models' of behaviour all the time. I am aware that I am 'missing' certain behaviours / skills that others have, and this formed part of my leaning towards thoughts I may be BPD.
I wasn't specifically thinking of what females find attractive, rather what your views of Masculinity in general are - though in reality I suppose the two are in many ways inextricably linked. For myself, I can say that my father remained at a distance when I was young, and have been raised by my mother from a female's point of view (I wouldnt expect anything else). That is not a blame, I love my mother very much, but it is just fact. Whilst I am sad that my dad could not / chose not to have that input, I am making a change now.I can well understand your reaction to the guy you mention last in your post. In the distant past I have reacted in this way to life and felt disgusted with myself afterwards, and also sensed similar disgust from females who knew me (men just seem to look the other way). At the time it seemed like a perfectly valid way to behave - it is only afterwards that I would question it - its something that just doesnt seem 'right' for a man. Thankfully these are behaviours I have moved on from.
I agree that a genuine expression of grief is healthy though, and in fact I always find bits in movies where older, respected men cry to be the most moving. I dont know if you have seen a british film called 'regeneration' about the 1st world war. At the end the army psychiatrist reads a poem by Wilfred Owen. The psychiatrist had just successfully treated Owen for shell shock, and cleared him fit for duty. As he learns that the poem he is holding was written by Owen as he lay dying a death he had effectively sent him to, he begins shake with tears. Had me in floods.
Saving Private Ryan does the same damn thing :D
As I take on board more elements of masculinity, by studying those male figures I respect (war leaders, great speakers, people I respect at work) I suppose it is predictable that I may sometimes swing like a pendulum too far the other way and come off arrogant. I guess I can just put those down to experience, huh?
I'm rambling a little, but finding it very therapeutic. Thank you for your input!
Ross
poster:rabble_rouser
thread:525886
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050706/msgs/526745.html