Posted by cricket on July 6, 2005, at 12:50:09
In reply to Re: I need to find an old thread. » Tamar, posted by Dinah on July 5, 2005, at 18:56:20
> I think I remember that I came to the conclusion that I need to need him. That not needing him was scary in and of itself. And that the fact that if I really need him less, it won't bother me that I need him less didn't really hold true. *Needing* itself provides something valuable to me. Something I don't want to lose. The fact that I might no longer get that much satisfaction from what I used to need isn't nearly as important as the loss that comes from not needing it. It doesn't lead me to say "Ok, I don't really need it anymore." Instead it leads me to be terrified at the loss of the need.
>
Well, I think the above is very insightful on your part. You need to need. When I think about that I must say, even though you think of it as a childlike feeling, it seems very evolved to me. Needing provides us with human connection, the most precious thing. In Buddhism you actually need others to become enlightened.Not needing is masculine, lone ranger, pioneer, a good deal of the folklore of this country, right? So by needing you're bucking a whole lot of what we're conditioned to want.
I don't know. I'm just thinking aloud really. But something tells me that what you may be seeing as a deficiency or a flaw (are you seeing it that way?) is only because this is a dysfunctional society.
I am so terrified to need that it is hard for me emotionally to fathom what you are feeling. But intellectually I believe that you have your finger on something really important.
The above paragraph you wrote was so clear to me that I would bring that in to him. See what he says. Maybe he will have some insight this time.
poster:cricket
thread:523767
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050706/msgs/524265.html