Posted by 10derHeart on July 1, 2005, at 22:31:03
In reply to 10derheart how are you? (nm) » 10derHeart, posted by shrinking violet on July 1, 2005, at 21:01:05
I'm alright, SV. You are wonderful to ask.
So sorry I didn't answer each person yet.
I promise, promise, promise I will tomorrow.
Just tired and restless and trying to figure out my whole life in one day (like that's even possible!)
Worried about ex-T. a little - for NO tangible reason - I just get these powerful surges of intuition about him sometimes...and I've been right before....he's been ill with the flu, or having great work stress (he never shares about *what* -his private business - but I kind of guess it's overwhelming workload at his clinic some weeks - and when he was on call once it was hard...) and I either dream it or I just *know.*
Plus, I sent him an email a few days ago, then one this morning (not THE one you encouraged me about...haven't beeen able to manage it yet) and he only sent a :-) (< smiley) back, which is sort of shorthand between us for him being VERY busy, letting me know he read what I wrote but is unable to respond...then I sent another one and he never answered - before a 3-day weekend it's not his style....
ah, well, it'll be okay....night time always makes things seem worse...like I'm speculating he's sick of me now, and me mentioning I was writing something for him made him *really* realize it's been a YEAR...and OMG why is she still bothering me....it could be true...but I think that's just faulty thinking, which he taught me so well how to STOP....but I'm still vulnerable around thinking he'll just disappear (change jobs/move/canx his email) to be rid of me.....sound familiar?
See, even me, with my beautiful termination experience....well, I still can't accept acceptance and care....it's alien somehow...guess that's why I've still got PLENTY to dig into with current T. (who also blew off an email today...very uncharacteristic...but he answers from home on weekends, silly man, so there's always tomorrow)
wow, didn't know I would say all that to you, it just came out...you are VERY easy to *talk* to, SV, I'm so, SO glad you're still posting here and feeling well and stable enough to do so (sometimes, anyway)
we all just really need each other, don't you think? hope you're finding good stuff to focus on.
I'll post back to evryone on this thread tomorrow...sleep seems important now...
poster:10derHeart
thread:521533
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050628/msgs/522226.html