Posted by shrinking violet on June 30, 2005, at 13:37:37
In reply to One Year... (long- possible *termination trigger*), posted by 10derHeart on June 30, 2005, at 12:17:39
>> ..tomorrow, since I said goodbye/had last session with my former T. I still remember every look, gesture, feeling in the room from that day. Something tells me it's so significant it will be one of those memories that doesn't fade with time, like many others do. I hope not - hurts but I cherish it more than fear the pain...does that make sense?
--Yes, it does make sense. {{{{{{{{10derheart}}}}}}} I can still remember things my T has said just as clearly now as when she said them, even the inflections and tone of her voice at the time. My last session with her didn't go well at all, so that's very hard to think about, but the session before that was a very tender and special one and even though it hurts to remember it, I'll always cherish it, like you with yours.
>> I can't believe a whole year has passed.
>>
>> I can't believe I'm doing as well as I am.---It's been almost 2 months since I ended with my T, and I wonder where the time went. I'm glad you're doing so well....which I think has a LOT to do with the way your T handled your termination (more on that below). You both deserve much credit.
>> I cried myself to sleep last night, reliving it all, and missing him. Yet, overall, I'm okay.
---I know, it's hard. I have many of those moments still. I'm glad you know you're okay, and that the hurt isn't overwhelming for you.
>> Because it seems you can anticipate, analyze yourself (hour by hour even), and compare one separation, loss or experience to another - and still have NO IDEA how you are really going to feel. Emotions are just that way.
---So true! I'm not even sure what I'm feeling when I'm feeling it (if that makes sense), but that's something I need to work on. Analyzing stuff is a big problem for me, since I overdo it, and I drive myself nuts b/c there are no definitive answers when dealing with emotions. Anticipating it could make it worse, or end up blocking you from feeling whatever it is you would feel if you were more open to it. I'm trying to learn to let things come up as they want to, and then "be" with it for a while, figure out what it means and where it comes from, and try not to let it overwhelm me (of course, I haven't gotten the hang of it yet).
>> I don't know. I'm sad, yet pretty stable and content. As many of you know, I had a gentle and awesome termination with months of email support, and I am still allowed/encouraged to email him any time.--That is so wonderful, it really is. I wish more T's were like yours....Many of us would be spared a lot of unnecessary pain and confusion. I'm glad your experiences have been healthy, positive ones.
>> Yes, I know I am twice blessed, and it's like an embarrassment of riches...if I could make this scenario the case for every single Babbler who is/has gone through something much less kind and way more difficult, I would do it! If I had that power....wow! Because, well, it hurts enough when it's done really well.---Well said. I wish that for us, too. You're sweet to have said so, thank you. :-)
>> And I have Babble. You guys...I can't find the words. I was in such severe pain last year, I'm sure I wrote a lot about not making it through losing him, the bond was so strong. Felt like a loss I just couldn't stand. But I did it. Babble carried me a good part of that time.
--I'm glad you found support and help here.
>> Still miss him. Now, at this *year mark,* well, it seems like I should break off the contact (it's roughly an email or two every 3 - 4 weeks, sometimes more often, depends on my moods, mostly...) But...he's not telling me to - and he won't. My T. is fine with whatever works, too. I just feel...I don't know, like I should change something. But even now, that's frightening. I want some little piece of him to stay in my life. I don't want to lose him completely just 'cause some arbitrary time period has passed.---I know what you mean. And if knowing you *can* contact him if you wanted to helps you, then there's nothing wrong in that. It doesn't seem like much, maybe, being able to contact an ex-T after a termination, but it's SUCH a huge thing. I wish more T's were like yours. Um, could he talk to my ex-T and explain? ;-)
>> I'm committed to my T. now, and I protect that relationship and don't talk with old T. about "therapeutic" stuff (well, almost never) The thing is, I love the man - plain and simple. Wow - it feels good to have a place I can write that down with no fear or ridicule or misunderstanding.
--Nope, none of that here, at least not from me. I so understand what you mean. I love my T also, in a very non-T sort of way. She'll always be special to me as a person, as a woman, and I'll always carry her in my heart.
>> I told him I'd be writing a long email by tomorrow, as I have *reflections* about what it all means at the one-year point. He's told me several times I am so good at reflecting on things, he considers it essential feedback for him to be a better therapist (!) (He's generous with lovely remarks like that!)
>>
>> But, I haven't been able to write a word. Not that I get too upset, just that there's so much to say....most of which he knows, but I feel like I don't know where to start, or how to do it. Make a list? Ramble on?--First, try not to tell yourself you have to have it done by tomorrow, because you'll probably end up blocking yourself with the anxiety a time constraint can cause. Take some deep breaths, tell yourself you're just writing thoughts as they come, you can always edit it later on after it's all down, and it's just a draft. Then sit with your mind for a few minutes, let it lead you, and see where it goes. You might be surprised at what comes out. :-)
>> Well, I just wanted to post something about what this date means for me. Don't know if I'll have a bigger melt-down in the next day or two, or what.--If you do, we're here. But I'm wishing you nothing but peace.
>> Tomorrow, I want to do something special for myself...but that sort of honors the previous T. relationship. Haven't come up with anything yet.---That's a lovely idea.
>> If you've read this far, thanks. Part of me feels VERY guilty even posting this, as others here have been and are still hurting so badly with bad teminations, etc. But with all the crying last night, I decided I can't push Babble away any time I'm feeling such powerful stuff...I need you all too much...hope I haven't upset anyone.
--I admit it was/is hard reading this, given my own situation right now, but at the same time I know it takes as much courage and emotion to write a post like this as it does any other, and I wanted to acknowledge that. And say that I'm so glad that you had some positive experiences, which gives some hope to the rest of us (me, at least).
Thank you for sharing.
sv
poster:shrinking violet
thread:521533
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050628/msgs/521578.html