Posted by Tamar on June 28, 2005, at 14:22:33
In reply to Failed my homework assignment already. Triggery., posted by Dinah on June 28, 2005, at 13:58:25
> I was telling my therapist that the main issue I wanted to work on was my lack of continuity. The choppiness in my life. Not exactly a lack of memory, tho there's a bit of that, but more like... Well, I know that I did or said or experienced something, but all the meaning of it is just gone. All the feelings, all the meaning. I'm not really sure of the time frame. Things are jumbled. I know I seem the same to others day to day, and I suppose if you asked me my opinion of something, I'd give the same answer. But in other ways it's like each day, maybe even less than a day, stands on its own.
That's interesting. It reminds me of a TV programme I saw once about people who had damaged the hippocampus (I think that was it). But there were distinct differences from what you're describing. I think those people had profound difficulties with short term memory...
> My therapist isn't sure how to help me with that, but he thinks it has to do with my overuse of dissociation. So he wanted me to try to *not* fall into a forgetting sleep.
>
> I immediately went home, felt the urge to hurt myself, simultaneously felt groggy, and fell asleep at my desk.
>
> Other than knowing I felt extremely anxious, I'm not altogether sure why I was feeling upset enough to necessitate a forgetting sleep.
>
> My body's way of saying "Oh no you don't. I'm not giving that up!"?Very likely, I would think. After all, if you've just considered ceasing your reliance on sleep and dissociation as a means of coping, without any alternative to try, you might understandably be worried about how you will cope.
> I don't know how long it was, maybe only ten or fifteen minutes.
>
> My head hurts. And I still feel groggy. And I still feel a bit anxious, and like I want to hurt myself.I know there are lots of reasons for wanting to self harm. And people use it in different ways, and I'm not sure how you use it. I wonder, though, if the inclination at the moment is about protecting yourself from the feelings that might emerge if you were to stop dissociating.
> I just don't understand myself sometimes. :(
I suspect your therapist is right about the connection between choppiness and dissociation. Have you talked about what might happen if you reduce your dissociation?
poster:Tamar
thread:520589
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050628/msgs/520600.html