Posted by happyflower on June 24, 2005, at 12:04:15
In reply to Re: My decision! :) (followed by personal ramble), posted by caraher on June 24, 2005, at 11:52:02
> > But come to think of it, If I said that to most guys, would they get turned on? Maybe I am being inappropiate?
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> I don't think there's anything inappropriate about saying that, but from my male perspective I'd say that remark would certainly pique heightened interest, especially if uttered by someone I found attractive!
>
Thanks for being honest, it is always good to get a male perspective on this. He is human after all even if he is a T. By, the way, welcome, I don't seem to reconize your name, if you are new!> I've thought about asking my T this kind of question, only in a more abstract way. I really don't care if she is attracted to me, I don't entertain romantic or sexual fantasies about her. But I would like to hear an honest answer about what kind of first impression I probably make for the mythical typical woman because of my social anxiety problems. My usual tendency is to shy away from eye contact, smiling etc. in part because I tend to believe I'm a basically unattractive and am better off drawing as little attention to myself as possible. I don't want to make others uncomfortable because they have to deal with a beast like me, nor do I want my face rubbed in my own physical deficiencies.
>
How would you feel if she did say that she thought you were attractive? Would that make you feel different torwards her?I am sure you are not a beast, and are being too hard on yourself. After all you are in therapy, so you can't be all that bad, you want to change and improve your life. It is the people who don't see anything wrong with themselves that worry me! :) It think finding someone attractive is very different for everyone. Like for instance, I think Richard Gere is totally hot, but Tom Cruise is nothing special to me.
> Now I've done a lot of work on this and have improved quite a bit, to the point that I almost believe that sometimes others actually like it if I say "hi" to them or smile. I guess if I felt like I was at least of "average" attractiveness for my age, etc. I'd feel a lot more comfortable, and that would be my motivation for bringing it up.
Well I like that you said "Hi", and I bet others like it too. Smiles are contagious! :) (see I bet you are smiling right now) lol
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poster:happyflower
thread:517585
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050622/msgs/518072.html