Posted by Tamar on June 24, 2005, at 9:09:48
In reply to Coming to a finaly conclusion about my ex T., posted by pinkeye on June 23, 2005, at 22:43:37
I tend to think that whatever the reasons for his behaviour – whether he was bored, or busy, or felt it was difficult to help you by email over such a huge distance – he should have handled your termination better. I know you say he suggested you should find a T in the US. But I think instead of making a suggestion he should have said something like: “Doing therapy by email across continents isn’t ideal for either of us. It’s difficult for me to understand exactly what you’re going through, and I am not able to give you the support you really need. I think you would benefit from further therapy, but it should be face-to-face therapy with someone in the US. I am willing to continue supporting you by email for three more months, which should give you time to find a therapist in the US. During these three months we should discuss what the end of this therapeutic relationship means to you.”
He should have been absolutely honest about his intentions: he should have offered you a time to go through the termination process with him, and he should have been clear that after the termination process was over there would be no further contact.
You seem to be beating yourself up for not having read his mind. But we aren’t supposed to be able to read their minds – heck, they won’t even tell us the most basic things about themselves. So it’s not your fault you didn’t know what he was thinking. He should have been more proactive and more direct with you.
Just my two cents.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:517816
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050622/msgs/517975.html