Posted by annierose on June 18, 2005, at 16:09:39
In reply to Re: Daisy, how are you today?, posted by Daisym on June 18, 2005, at 14:19:10
HI Daisy -
I happened to be home making dinner during Oprah too. It wasn't about forgiving (in this case) your father. I wish I could remember the words, because I did think about you. It was more about forgiving yourself. Giving yourself permission to grieve about the healthy relationship you will never have (with your father). Also, forgiving yourself, because most woman tend to blame themselves.
Okay, okay, I just went on Oprah's web site and they did have a few quotes from the show:
T.D. Jakes (their guest expert):
"The conflict, emotionally, had to be overwhelming, because there is a natural instinct to love the father. And yet, when you're violated, you're emotionally confused. You think that if you go public, people will reject you, that somehow it's your fault. But that is what gave him the power. They're invisble walls, but very high and very difficult walls to climb over."
Oprah on forgiveness:
"The best definition of forgiveness I ever heard is giving up the hope that the past could be any different. I love that definition because it doesn't mean that you then have to accept that person back into your life. Forgiveness does not mean I now want to have you over for dinner. It doesn't mean I want to associate with you. It means I will no longer be tied to the past."
T.D. Jakes:
"When you forgive, they no longer hold you hostage. Anger is an umbilical cord that keeps you tied to the past. As long as you're angry about it, you're still tied to it. And the person is still controlling you, even with your rage." --- not sure I like that last idea, letting go seems like an impossible burden to overcome
"Forgiveness is not about exonerating them. Forgiveness is about empowering you. It's more about you then it is about them. Cut the cord that ties you to the past or you're going to lose your future"
Here are some ideas to discuss and think about. I do like Oprah's definition of forgiveness better.
Annierose
poster:annierose
thread:514967
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050615/msgs/515053.html