Posted by Daisym on May 15, 2005, at 12:34:42
In reply to T on Why I Don't Feel Safe, posted by Poet on May 14, 2005, at 14:47:13
Just acknowledging that you have those defenses is a good first step. And I do think you have felt "safer" because you shared some really hard things and on occasion, left your writing with her. These are huge steps.
Have you ever let yourself imagine what being fully open and trusting with her would feel like? Just in the privacy of your own head. I think if you can begin to day-dream about it, it might help build some more trust that it won't be a bad thing.
My therapist tells me that I have these self-protective parts for a very good reason. And he isn't about to rip them down or make me feel forced in anyway to do something I'm not ready for. And I think it is a cycle. There have been days that I feel completely safe and OK with all my dependency. And there are times, like now, that I'm completely walled off again. I WANT to feel connected to him but I don't actually feel it.
Keep talking about it. Focus on the things that you do trust her with. If you are anything like me, I trust him, I don't trust myself. I'm afraid of what might come out and how I might handle things. I don't want to hurt anyone or wreck the relationship foundation that has been established. There is also something for me about letting anyone know I want this so much. It feels dangerous, like they could use it against me somehow. I think that is an old tape.
You'll get there. Maybe you could change the word "safe" to "relaxed"? It might make it easier to think about.
Hugs from me,
Daisy
poster:Daisym
thread:497723
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050513/msgs/498014.html