Posted by Susan47 on May 14, 2005, at 12:40:05
In reply to Zero Feelings (Possible Trigger), posted by cricket on May 10, 2005, at 16:50:46
Dear Cricket, in answer to your question, I've felt that way about my parents as well, and I still do to some extent today. I'm learning to work it out, but I want to help relieve your fears.
You're totally normal and A-okay, you're nowhere near being a sociopath unless you're repeating what was done to you. I've had the same worries you do, until really recently. In fact, I thought I could never be a parent and when I was in my early twenties I feared it because I knew I'd be an abusive parent. I knew already at that point, you know, that my family life wasn't good, and I'd pass that on, at that point in my life. Man.
You feeling bored by talking about your mother, well, you're very perceptive in that, imo, because the boredom shows how much you're denying her effect on you. It's horrible to know our families betrayed us. You might also get to a breakdown point, or you might not. I cried silently to myself for years and never was able to talk to anyone about how dissociated I felt towards my family and all people, until this last year, except for my last husband. He knew because he has the same problems himself, he still has them though, he hasn't seen through it yet. Well, I hope everyone who's had really abusive families get to see through it all, but I know that's pretty unrealistic.
I think you will get there, though. You don't have to have a breakdown to do it, though, it doesn't have to come to a big scene with your T, it might just happen or it might happen when you're by yourself, it might happen once or it might be lots of little times, or maybe it'll just be a sadness you can feel and recognize, something that eventually dissipates. I haven't read your whole thread yet but I'm going to do it now because I'm wondering if your mother is still alive.
poster:Susan47
thread:496131
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050513/msgs/497696.html