Posted by Dinah on May 9, 2005, at 21:30:31
In reply to Re: Taking a break for couple of days. » pinkeye, posted by Dinah on May 9, 2005, at 21:23:13
That reminds me of my therapist. I would talk, for example, about how I was able to cheer my father up, and present things in a way that he'd be less angry with my mother.
And he'd always add at the end, with emphasis "Your father (or mother) *chose* to let you..."
I think more than anything else in therapy, that had the most effect on me. I grew up thinking that I had way more power than I had, because my parents granted me that power. So since I believed I had the power, I also believed I had the responsibility to use it. So I was constantly anxious about stopping bad things from happening. My therapist pointed out to me that a lot of that power was illusion. That my parents allowed me to think I had that power, they *chose* to grant me that power, but that it was *their* choice to grant it, not mine.
So if your husband or father chooses not to let you please them, it is similarly *their* choice, not yours. And you could wish they made a different choice, but you can't *make* them by being smarter or more giving.
poster:Dinah
thread:495224
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050504/msgs/495787.html