Posted by pinkeye on May 9, 2005, at 20:24:19
In reply to Re: Taking a break for couple of days., posted by Dinah on May 9, 2005, at 19:40:18
why is life so hard? lot of people don't take any responsibility at all and fool around a lot, and life is good for them - like my dad - he keeps 3 servants, and is able to get everything taken care of for him.. first his father, and then my mom and then me.. and he is able to get by with taht.. and he doesn't have any illness to cope up with. and he hasn't really done anything even slightly challenging in his life..
I am trying to be very responsible and sincere, and genuine, and I get very hard problems.. I get all these chronic illness. and I am feeling like everybody around me expects me to take care of them.. and I am not capable of it. My husband also makes me feel guilty a lot.. if I don't cook one day, he starves himself the whole day - he won't eat out becuase it is not in his religious thing, and he makes me feel very guilty. And for 2 years he has been making me feel so guilty about everything - eating out, watching movies, talking to other men in office, wearing make up, even sex.. I feel suffocated, and everything is a sin.
And I feel the more I try to accommodate others, the more they are demanding of me. And the only thing I depend on them is when my arthritis gets bad.. And at the end of the day, everyone makes it look like it is all my fault, that I am the weakest person and they are protecting me. And both my dad and my husband make me feel so very guilty.. they both have some lofty ideals, and they keep imposing them on me.. and I am always the middle man, and they are 180 degrees opposite ideals. my father says don't, my husband says do.. my father says do, my husband says don't. And who am I to please? And I have to please them both.
poster:pinkeye
thread:495224
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050504/msgs/495753.html