Posted by Tamar on May 2, 2005, at 16:54:58
In reply to Re: I'm Sorry Tenderheart, I was too Aggressive » Susan47, posted by 10derHeart on May 2, 2005, at 16:07:34
> Not now. The simple problem is being overweight makes me hate my physical self. Loathe is even a better word. No amount of harping on me that it's what's inside that counts ever helps. I can't even get close to believing that - *about me*. Hah, maybe that's yet another reason Babble is so safe for me. Even though I may admit to it, y'all don't have to LOOK at me, thank goodness.
Your post struck a chord with me, possibly because I weighed myself today (which I don’t normally do) and I’m well over 220 pounds (I’d like to be 170). I’ve never bought that stuff about what’s inside that counts. That sounds as if we should accept that we’re physically unacceptable. Surely it’s better to hope that we can come to accept our physical selves as they are, and not as mere shells for our personalities?
> As I was implying, this issue is big. Okay, it's giagantic for me. I wouldn't even touch it with my ex-T. and you do remember how much I adore(d) him. But, partly because I was attracted to him (sorry-don't you get triggered now - I forbid it!) I was mortified to talk about body image, weight, overeating and all that. Just would have had to hide under the furniture and pass him notes. Can you picture that? Because if I talked about it, I was terrified I'd look up, and he be glancing, whereas before I was just me - a me I thought he respected and liked - and instead he'd be really *seeing* and thinking, "OMG, I forgot to notice that roll, and the double chin, and...."
>
> And of course, that would mean he'd find me disgusting. No projection, there, eh?I can indeed picture it. I did talk to my T about my loathing for my body (largely because I was avoiding any discussion of my attraction to him). And guess what? He was great. And yes, I watched his body language very closely to detect signs that he might suddenly notice how unattractive I was. But oddly, the reverse seemed to be the case. I guess there’s something in that cliché that confidence is sexy. The better I felt about my body, the better I felt the rapport between us was. I’d bet my house that your current T will not think you are loathsome, if you can bear to broach the subject.
> It's so ridiculous. Over half my female friends -and a couple males - are moderately to seriously overweight. I adore them. I rarely if ever think of their weight, and only in passing, or if they put themselves down. Yet I can give so many reasons I am different.
We’re always harder on ourselves!
> I've gone on a self-pitying tangent.
Not self-pitying. Sorrow. Perfectly natural.> I've probably offended people.
Not me.> I apologize.
No need.> I should not Babble for a while.
> I seem to have little control over triggers and their resulting emotional outbursts.Isn’t that the point about triggers? It’s hard to feel any sense of control? Perhaps all the more reason why you should Babble!
> I'm leaving.
> Maybe late tonight I'll get control of myself.
> Everyone, please disregard me.
> Venting doesn't even begin to describe this.(((((10der)))))
Vent all you want/need.
poster:Tamar
thread:492357
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050428/msgs/492807.html