Posted by pinkeye on April 29, 2005, at 13:23:28
In reply to Re: (((((pinkeye))))), posted by Dinah on April 29, 2005, at 13:01:09
Thanks Dinah.
I understand what you are saying. My life wasn't quite that bad, and I always thought I had no right to complain, when so many others around me was suffering more.But only now I am realizing, that I can just simply acknowledge whatever difficulty I had instead of whining and complaining. Acknowledging it is really needed to let go of it. Otherwise, in the pretext of just going on with my life, I was covering things up, and it was not working.
All these years, I was just getting so attached to my T, wishing he would tell me he loved me, confusing my own expectations for him - wanting him to be a father, wanting him to be a husband some other times, and getting myself really hurt. Now I have realized that almost all of it is what I wanted from my dad - to be a nice, gentle and affectionate and firm person, without expecting me to be an emotional wife and companion. And I wanted my fahter to tell me that he loved me - not because I fulfilled his expectations, but just because I was a good kid. And I had a right to life and love, not because I was studying well, and talking with him like a peer. I badly wanted him to acknowledge that he asked much more of me, than what I was capable of giving, and that caused me so much of pain.
I was just projecting all these needs onto my ex T. In a way, I am glad he didn't finally say he loved me ( as a person , if not as a woman ), because that really opened up this whole range of discussion with my new T, and it led to lot of discovery.
poster:pinkeye
thread:491085
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050428/msgs/491497.html