Posted by Pfinstegg on April 28, 2005, at 23:37:49
In reply to Re: You'll laugh at this. » daisym, posted by Pfinstegg on April 28, 2005, at 20:29:54
Well, I don't know if it's exactly "winning', but, there he is! My husband says he doesn't know whether he is keeping us young, aging us rapidly- or some dreadful combination of both. Actually, it's really wonderful. I am quite careful about what I say to the young one (basically nothing), but I do try to be quite frank with the older one. I noticed that when he saw that I was depressed, he tended to blame himself, so I have gradually told him, over a number of years, what happened to me when I was a child- not graphically, but in a clear enough way so that he can understand the relationship between what hapened to me then, and what I struggle with now. I can't be sure, but I think it has cleared the air quite a lot. He's old enough now to see me as a person separate from himself, with flaws and shortcomings. I hope he sees me as doing my best, and as not trying to involve him in my problems. We have a very warm relationship-always have had, but it is even better now that he has fallen in love with this lovely girl. Having only sons, it's just wonderful to think of having a daughter! And I'm getting a really terrific one. I hope that when the time comes to be more open and candid about myself with the little one, that I'll be able to use the past tense a bit more! One thing I have realized, with immense relief- the major impact of the abuse can stop with me, and doesn't have to continue down into another generation. I was very worried about that the whole time the older one was growing up, but he really does seem to be well and happy, and that has given me much more confidence the younger one. What do you do with yours?
It sounds like we both have raging 9 year olds right now! I just let whatever happens happen. I have to. When you go into analysis, you just make the one, so hard commitment- to say whatever is on your mind, every moment, every day. It's at once a privilege and an enormous burden- I think privilege more, overall. But it sounds to me as if you must essentially be in analysis, too- four sessions a week, plus a telephone one on Friday? Even though you don't use that word, it must be very similiar, and your therapist sounds analytically trained- at least in the depth with which he pursues things, and the interactive focus that he seems to have. I should say that I only spend certain amounts of time lying down on the couch. Probably more than half is face to face. There seem to be important reasons for each way. Face to face is best for the really hard times, when you really do need to see and sort of unconsciously take in another face. Lying down is wonderful for calmer times, when you have gotten through one crisis, and are able to regress back into seeing what else might be there in your unconscious. Almost invariably, we are in synch about this: after sitting up for, say, 20 minutes, it suddenly flashes through my mind that I'd like to lie down. So often, at that very moment, he will say, "do you feel like lying down?"
poster:Pfinstegg
thread:490448
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050428/msgs/491255.html