Posted by pinkeye on April 28, 2005, at 16:14:54
In reply to Re: Wanting to apologize to my ex T » pinkeye, posted by Tamar on April 28, 2005, at 15:32:42
My T did know about transference. But I am guessing he didn't have the full relevance of it taught to him. I knew about transference 2 and a half years back itself, but I didn't realize the full power of it till now. That is what I meant.
>> Oh yes - I do the same thing myself. That’s how I recognise it! ShortE caught me at it the last time I felt that way. I think most of us have experienced it from time to time.
Yeah I think our brains have a wonderful way of making things look like we want them to be :-)
> I sometimes wonder if we have problems precisely *because* we want to be good. If we didn’t care about being good, we wouldn’t worry about failing, and we wouldn’t have the emotional depth to experience profound mental suffering. The world needs more people like us!Maybe we are trying to be constantly striving for something more than what we should be.. lot of people are good, but maybe they just realize their limitations and accept their fall backs. Maybe we don't. That could be the difference. I wouldn't go as far to say that to be good, you need to have mental health problems :-)
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> > That I behave like a kid, and behave like an overgrown adult - at the very same time.. And it is confusing to me.
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> About being responsible: I wonder if that’s a job your mother should have done when you were growing up, but you ended up having to do it because your father delegated your mother’s responsibilities to you (presumably without your mother’s permission). So instead of your mother taking responsibility for adult relationships with men, you had to do it, when you were too young to be ready for it. It’s hardly surprising that you try to live up to the expectation of responsibility and simultaneously try to evade it. Just a hunch; I could be wrong. But letting go of that demand for responsibility /control is hard to do! I’m still working on it :)
I think you are perfectly right about this responsibility part. I think I keep swtiching myself between a child and an adult (that too an overgrown one), and people get confused of what I really am. They think I am trying to manipulate, when I am just plain incapable of behaving in a stable state. Thanks for pointing it out. You seem very wise. How old are you?
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> > And my dad was the same.. He was also a very good person at heart.
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> It’s great that you recognise your dad’s goodness, even though you acknowledge the pain of some of his parenting mistakes.
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> You’re doing some hard work: hang in there!Thanks so much.
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> Tamar
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poster:pinkeye
thread:490915
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050428/msgs/491034.html