Posted by 10derHeart on April 1, 2005, at 17:29:27
In reply to i hate myself so much, posted by shrinking violet on April 1, 2005, at 11:15:53
(((SV))
I'm sorry you are in this kind of agony. Your post breaks my heart. Especially the part about telling you DON't do this and that after termination. I am a huge advocate for (generally) doing the opposite with most clients. I can't even go further, this makes me so upset. She really is retreating behind things, as someone else said, she has to be to come out so strongly on that when you didn't even bring it up. I think it's a complete wall to hide behind.
Please, please don't hate yourself. Remember, she IS a therapist, and so to me, she is FAR more responsible - maybe even completely - at this delicate, difficult time, for being gentle with you and increasing her attempts to understand silence. Even the most unskilled T. does not have to choose *anger* as the only interpretation of your sitting there not talking.
I don't have any wonderful advice, but I wanted to say WE want you to live...and you will want that, too, after the suffering eases. It will. It will. Hang on. I really, really wish you'd show her this post before your final session. Just hand it over without words, maybe?
I don't know. Please be safe and kind to yourself. And keep posting. (((SV))
poster:10derHeart
thread:478498
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050329/msgs/478684.html