Posted by Tamar on March 30, 2005, at 14:46:12
In reply to I can't escape him, posted by messadivoce on March 30, 2005, at 1:02:08
I'm sorry you're feeling so much pain. I stopped seeing my T less than two weeks ago and I'm in a similar situation. I dream about him every second night. Sometimes I have pleasant dreams: once I dreamed he was holding me very close and comforting me. I was sorry to wake up from that one! Other times I've had peculiar dreams, in which he's there but doesn't speak to me. And once I dreamed he gave me his shoes. I have no clue what that was about!
Everywhere I go, when I see a man about the same age and build I think it's him, until I realise I'm looking at someone a little shorter or a little older, or with different hair or something. And I keep thinking of things to tell him, and then I realise I won't see him to tell him anything.
I think termination is a lot like bereavement. I don't think it's petty at all that you think about his absence from your recital instead of the people who will be there. That's how it is when we experience loss. The person we've lost takes on a huge significance. I don't think the hole can be filled, exactly, but I do think that somehow it should become less of a hole as time goes by. Mind you, I will admit that it still feels like a hole to me. I've started keeping a diary and I write in it how I'm feeling about my former T, and sometimes I just read it. It helps me a little.
Do you think it would be OK to email him about your forthcoming recital, and mention how special it was when he came to the last one? I don't think that would constitute 'emailing over much', since it's about a very important event in your life. He might even email you back to wish you well. Or would an email exchange at this point make you feel worse, and all mixed up?
I hope things will begin to get easier for you.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:477523
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050329/msgs/477757.html