Posted by daisym on March 18, 2005, at 0:56:40
In reply to Re: Sucking up all the Babble support((((Daisy)))), posted by Speaker on March 15, 2005, at 1:19:14
And really glad to be home. Really, really glad to be home. I had an unexpected melt down Tuesday afternoon about 3:30. I was sitting in a meeting getting more and more upset. I thought I was frustrated and tired. But someone asked "are you OK?" and I felt the tears coming. So I took a break and went up to my room and just waited for my therapist to call. Poor guy. I sort of went hysterical on him -- telling him I can't do my job if I'm going to dissolve into tears in meetings. And that there were just too many kids to save, too many that need help and I didn't know how to do it all.
He is so calm, thank goodness. He sort of waited for the flood to end and then we walked back through the day, identifying the triggers. My field has suddenly been combined with Infant/Toddler mental health so we are being bombarded with attachment theory and child abuse "stuff." After I told him about my day, and I told him I am receiving emails from my sister about her memories, one of which I got on Monday night again, he said, "No wonder you are upset. You have to remember you are fragile right now, so you have to expect to have these emotional responses." And we talked about how I can't be my sister's therapist. And I just let go and cried and cried. He hung out with me on the phone for almost an hour, it was actually the session I would have had, had I been home. I'm so glad he is good on the phone!
But - I don't want to be fragile. I hate knowing that he is right. So I got myself through yesterday and the huge chaos of today and saw him this afternoon. I finally told him the rest of what the pdoc said. I said I didn't know what I was supposed to do - surrender to my needs around therapy or keep fighting them and maintain some distance. I wanted to know if he was upset that I needed him on Tuesday, if he wanted me to be able to hold things longer. You know his answer...he said he wants me to call if I need him, he was glad we had set up the time for Tuesday, he is fine with my attachment, he thinks it is still a necessary component to keep me safe as we work through all of this. He agrees with you guys, he thinks she was expressing how SHE feels about clients. He was respectful but he teased me a little saying, "it could be worse. You could be doing your THERAPY with her, instead of just med management." I said he sent me to her because she makes him look good. :)
I'm glad I told him. It is still hard not to worry. It is going to take awhile to settle back down.
I'm glad you were all able to travel with me. It helped to log on and find friends, even if I was too exhausted to write much. I want to hug you all - in cyberspace of course!
Thanks!
Daisy
poster:daisym
thread:470309
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050315/msgs/472341.html