Posted by Susan47 on March 15, 2005, at 13:54:30
In reply to Re: Oh dear, she's not brilliant at all..... » Susan47, posted by pinkeye on March 15, 2005, at 12:48:29
M-hm. And today I developed a brilliant new theory about using my therapist to self-injure. Now, btw, is that injure or inflict?
I thought I disgusted him on some level and then I was drawn to him over and over again and when I couldn't change his mind, in fact, he got really truly upset by me, then it became really stressful to see him, and my brain needs the stress so I can feel something, anything besides nothing, which is how I learned to feel about everything, so I kept re-creating the stress over and over and over again and then when I felt I needed a real JOLT of what I was creating, I went in to SEE him, you know, I would go to his office and SIT there or even just open the door and close it again (that was last week) and leave, because it made my heart pound, it made me feel excited and alive knowing he would be angry if he knew.
Ah-HAH and I HATE knowing these things about myself, it's really stressful, but valuable too because it's information about myself that I can change.
poster:Susan47
thread:469529
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050315/msgs/471331.html