Posted by Skittles on March 12, 2005, at 1:53:36
In reply to Re: She Called Back, posted by Susan47 on March 11, 2005, at 18:42:08
....just a little. Don't get me wrong, I *do* think she's made some mistakes here and I'm not sure whether she's going to be able to own up to them. But she isn't uncomfortable with the physical closeness (at least at the time, but who the heck knows now) and she wasn't taking it away all together. As a result of some serious miscommunication she thought it was what I wanted.
When I talked to her about cancelling the Thursday appointment, I told her that I was in a place where I wasn't bothered by the fact that she was going away, that I didn't think I'd miss her terribly and was afraid that seeing her again before she left might change that. Well, when we spoke this afternoon she told me I said I was afraid that feeling close to her would cause me to miss her more. First of all, I KNOW those aren't the words that came out of my mouth. Second, I do *not* think those two statements mean the same thing. I really feel like she was putting words in my mouth here. What I meant by my words was to encompass any number of things - like what if something came out that affected me emotionally and she wouldn't be there to help in the aftermath, or what if it turned into a really horrible session (like it did). Am I way off thinking she dropped the ball here?
So, thinking I meant closeness would make me miss her, she was trying to give me some distance. But I completely misunderstood when she tried to explain this to me on Thursday. Probably because I had absolutely no clue what she had inferred from my comment the day before. We were completely missing each other. Thus began the freak out on my part because I thought she was saying that she wouldn't be sitting with me anymore. That triggered shame for letting my needs be known, and feeling like they were bad things to want in the first place, etc. But I don't think she is able or willing to see this right now. All she would say about this on the phone is that she *probably* should have told me earlier in the session why she wasn't sitting with me.
Anyway, that's a little tidbit of what happened on the phone. There's lots more. This part I think I have figured out (though tell me if you think I'm wrong), the rest I'm still not sure what happened. So when I post about it later, it probably won't make as much sense. But you guys will be here to help me, right?
poster:Skittles
thread:469454
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050305/msgs/469941.html