Posted by Daisym on March 4, 2005, at 21:15:15
In reply to Re: An old fear for a new reason » daisym, posted by messadivoce on March 4, 2005, at 2:43:36
Daisy, I'm glad you're awake with me tonight. I'm in good company.
***I wish I had caught you in Open. Last night was a LONG night.My old T said something to me once that stuck. He said, "Your emotions don't overwhelm me. *They just are*."
Maybe that is how your T thinks of your feelings. They just are.
***I really like that. Mine tells me that I can't control his emotions and that it is OK that I can impose reality or makes sense of something. He often says, "feelings are what they are." I tell him I hate that.Damage has been done. Pain has been inflicted on you by people who were supposed to take care of you. You can't change that. He can't change that. But he is here with you now, trying to prove to you that people who love you will not always hurt you.
****It's hard to know that he can't change what happened. I want him to. I want him to wave his magic wand and make it all better. I want him to make it all go away. But I'm glad he is willing to go through this with me. I just can't do it alone. One of the most healing things he ever said to me was that if he had known me when I was a child he would have told. And then he would have been around to pick up the pieces. It cemented the trust of the younger parts of me.Once I told my old T that probably no one would ever hear the things I told him. He said to me, "That's why it's such an honor".
I think your T is honored to share your pain. I think he is glad to be there with you instead of you being alone in it, completely.
****I don't know about honored. But he keeps telling me he is OK with hearing all of this. And when he looks horrified or sad, he explains that what happened *was* horrific or sad...and that it is OK to feel that for someone else. I worry about this still, but I'm learning to accept it.I hope this helps. If not, then forgive me. I don't want to prentend I know what you're going through. Hugs to you, if that's okay.
Voce***Totally helps. I read your post first thing this morning and I shook my head and thought, "someone gets it." I tried to believe everything you said. And, it sounds like you know a lot about what I'm going through. I wish things were easier for you right now. I'm sending a hug back.
(((VOCE)))
poster:Daisym
thread:466310
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050225/msgs/466708.html