Posted by daisym on January 3, 2005, at 1:33:05
In reply to Re: Husbands and therapy, posted by anastasia56 on January 2, 2005, at 23:57:49
Thank you all for your replies. I think you have all hit on parts and pieces of this.
First, I think steroids do change a person. They make you mean and strip away your ability to edit yourself. And being in pain, and struggling with coughing and breathing all the time takes its toll. Faced with a failing body, anger sets in. All of this is true for my husband. He isn't handling it well, or gracefully.
Our relationship has been strained for years, and like all marriages, it is complicated. I love him, but sometimes I wonder why I stay. Other times I think I have no right to complain, given all he has to deal with. "For better or worse" is the promise I made.
But as far as my therapy goes, he has no idea how much I go, or how intense everything is. I don't share with him what I am working on very much. He doesn't know about the csa, except that my dad touched me. I told him 21 years ago, just before we got married. I guess I thought I should, for whatever reason. He asked me if I was "sure" and I dropped it. We've never talked about it again. So much of my therapy is around my abandonment issues. Given that my husband is dying, he is leaving me too. This and his anger contributes to frequent retraumatizations. Sex is no picnic, especially when I am regressed. Given all that, I'm sure he feels the difference even if he hasn't asked very many questions. I think we've maybe had 4 conversations about therapy or my therapist. He tells me often that he doesn't believe in that "quackery" for himself. (He will admit that it has totally helped our son.)
I think he is depressed and perhaps you guys are right, he is feeling me pull away as I try to figure this out. I don't think he has any idea how attached to my therapist I am. I am careful not to say things like, "my therapist says this" or "my therapist says that." I know that would bug him. But he might be feeling neglected and insecure. I thought about it more tonight, and maybe as much as he wants to deny it, he might think he needs some help too. I've told him this, his friends have told him too.
And, he has said just straight out mean, jerky things too, just to get my attention. This could be one of those. I highly doubt that he would ever make a move to actually call my therapist. As I said, I'm over-reacting. It is hard for me not to excuse his behavior. It is hard to accept it too.
I think he needs a time out.
poster:daisym
thread:436863
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041228/msgs/437100.html