Posted by daisym on December 28, 2004, at 0:53:47
In reply to I've become the *bad* patient, posted by Skittles on December 27, 2004, at 21:45:42
This is a 2-part response.
About your dad - I'm sorry about the agony you must have been in during that conversation. Do you think he remembers anything about your childhood? OR, do you think he considered it abuse? I've had this conversation with my therapist a couple of times. We believe that somehow my dad has buried what happened very deeply. He still seems motivated to "make it up" to me, but he never gives any indication that he remembers laying a hand on me. This summer I had to go to his house on an emergency visit. He took me to visit our old house, where much of the abuse happened, and he pulled out a box of "special" things...including pictures of me at 10,11 and 12. One is pretty haunting, I look so sad. He said it was his favorite. *sigh* I just realized that this happened to me when my therapist was on vacation too...weird coincidence. When he came back, we talked about it some and it helped just to have him gasp in all the right places. And to have him acknowledge how impossibly hard it must have been for me.
I'm telling you this to encourage you to keep your appointment with your therapist. She will help you get it out and hold it with you. It is too hard to keep in for so long.
As far as having your space invaded, boy do I understand that right now!! And it isn't even my mother. I agree with the others about having a story ready -- something like, "it has been hard to schedule all around the holidays so we are meeting now" or even, "I have some insurance paperwork to deal with and she told me to drop on over." Your therapist will keep what you are working on confidential. Your mom isn't magic, she can't hear through the walls and she won't have access to your file. Be as honest as you can with your therapist and maybe she will have some ideas for you too.
You are NOT a bad patient, daughter or person. You are hurting and giving yourself care. That is a good thing to be doing. Do you think the rest of us are bad for leaning on our therapists, or calling them? Please be as gentle with yourself as you are to the rest of us. It shouldn't be this complicated or hard for you.
Hugs from me,
Daisy
poster:daisym
thread:434818
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041218/msgs/434889.html