Posted by fallsfall on December 14, 2004, at 12:55:10
In reply to Re: Nope., posted by daisym on December 14, 2004, at 0:34:44
> "Never give up! Never surrender!"
>
> I'm sorry it is sooo hard and frustrating. I think you are on to something, it just eludes you at this point. And you asked your therapist to push you, so he is, but maybe not gently enough?*** He pushed but now it is out of his hands. And I don't know if he could reach me to slow my spiraling descent. I've been here before, so I know it is something I have to work through, and I also know how excruciating this transference is for me...
>
> I've been stuck in my own spiral enough lately to know how incredibly hard it is to break free and see what we are doing to ourselves. It is like the next step up is 10 feet and we can only jump 9...enough to peak over the ledge but not enough to quite get there. Even when we know we are jumping up and down, we can't seem to stop ourselves.
>
*** I am slipping down the slide, and there is *NO* friction to slow me down. I can't even jump - that might let me feel some kind of control, rather than this freefall.
> You told me recently that I was in a boat, running back and forth from end to end, frantically trying to get to shore. But that what I needed to do was sit down, stay still and realize that I'm in a boat and it will capsize if I'm not careful. After I accept that I'm in the boat, THEN I can figure out how to get to shore.
>
Yes, I need to stop being frantic enough to see what is going on. But as soon as I start to see anything it seems like *TRANSFERENCE* takes over from reality and it has a life of its own. At least I can tell that what I'm saying doesn't make a lot of sense realistically - so I *know* it is transference. That is a step in the right direction. But it definately takes over and goes where it wants to go.
> This helped me settle down, out of the frantic pace. Can you try it too? I'm still in the da*n boat, but I feel like I can at least see the oar that might help me get to shore.
>
*** Good. I'm glad it helped you. I am trying to stay very aware that it *is* transference. That he isn't really playing a game with me where he makes up the rules as we go along. That there isn't a "right answer" (gosh, that is hard for me).> Mostly, I guess I want you to know I'm here to listen. Nothing you could say here would be wrong.
>
> (((Falls)))Thanks, Daisy. I'm glad you are here. That does help.
poster:fallsfall
thread:428921
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041210/msgs/429463.html